Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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