If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
