we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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