just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
