You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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