I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
