thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
