Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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