I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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