When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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