Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
