I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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