Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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