Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
