I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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