the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
