i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
