Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it hurts more in the daytime
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
