HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
