I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
