just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize