I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
