i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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