I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
