you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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