you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
