Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
