The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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