After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
