if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
