Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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