Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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