The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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