i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
