Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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