Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my liver is dry heaving
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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