i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
