lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
