we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I smell stomach acid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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