his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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