nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
