If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
