Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
