hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
