Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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