he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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