I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
