First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize