So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
