So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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