Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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