awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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