Do you still have your period?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
