I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A+ Viking dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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