Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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