Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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