If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
