He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How external is "for external use only"?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
