Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
