Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
