I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
