She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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